The Luis Suarez* Guide To Diving

*The ‘Luis Suarez’ mentioned in the title and article is a fictional character created by me, and any similarity to any real footballer would be entirely coincidental. My Luis Suarez is Paraguayan for example, and ginger. There aren’t any ginger Paraguayan Luis Suarezs in the Premier League…please don’t sue me.

To some footballers and even some footballing nations, the ability to trick a referee into believing you have been assaulted when you haven’t even been touched, is on a par with nutmegging your opponent. Both require a degree of intelligence, skill, and confidence, and both are seen to be a valid part of the game.

Now, diving might be seen as a dirty, disgusting, cheating way to win a football match. Yet aside from that, the art-form of the perfect dive is surely something we can all appreciate?

Whilst writing this article, I have entered the mind of my fictional character, the Paraguayan ginger footballer named Luis Suarez* (see above) to fully discover how such a diver operates.

DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME

Luis Suarez* – The Art of Diving

If you’re in a position where you’d like to win a free-kick, why not dive? Diving well will likely result in you winning a free-kick, or if you’re able to successfully pull off a beauty in your opposition’s penalty area, the referee will almost certainly give a penalty.

There are many different aspects to a complete ‘dive’, and the more aspects you perfect, the higher the chance of winning that free-kick.

You must first know where the referee is in relation to you, the ball, and the opposing player. Ideally you should position yourself as far away from the referee as possible, with other players blocking his view (so your acting skills can successfully trick him).

The Illusion of Contact

One important thing to remember is that it doesn’t matter if there actually is any contact with the opposing player, the vital thing is that the referee believes there was contact, and that contact was an unlawful move by the opposition player. The video shows an attempt at illusion…. I think he needs to go back to diving school.

Timing Your Fall

If you are on the ball, you should be focusing on waiting for that tackle to come in out of the corner of your eye. As soon as the tackler commits, knock the ball away slightly and begin your fall.

If the tackler is resisting a tackle, you can perform what is known as a ‘Patrick Vieira’. In this move, you will kick the ball passed the tackler and whilst running passed, lightly kick the tackler in the shins before falling over yourself. This will create the illusion that he has fouled you.

Performing The Fall

The fall is an important part of the dive. Falling too dramatically will lead to the referee thinking it’s a dive, so make sure you try to replicate what you’d do in an authentic foul situation.

Adding sound effects to the fall is a very effective referee-tricking move. The louder the better, scream ‘AAARGH’ as loud as you can as soon as the perceived contact is made.

The Landing

By the time you land, it’s imperative to begin the  ‘Dani Alves’ and have a distressed expression on your face, and you should instantly go to clutch the area on your body the perceived foul took place. The higher up the body the better. You should not relinquish the amount of pain for at least 10 seconds after landing.

The ‘Alves’ finishes with a succession of rolls in order to show the referee you are in a lot of pain. In order to perform 3 or more smooth rolls, it’s vital to have good abdominal strength, so I recommend practising rolls in the gym before you implement them to your diving routine.

After completing the rolls, accuse the tackler of being a dirty player and trying to break your leg/nose/etc.

A recommended extra whilst on the ground is the ‘Checking for Blood’ move. If you want to suggest you have had a facial injury, check your nose for blood, or even ask the referee if you are bleeding.

The Appeal

After spending a suitable amount of time rolling around on the floor (if you get the chance, attempt a Busquets and see what the general reaction to your dive has been), you must slowly try to get up. Make sure you keep a limp and an expression of pain until the opposing player has been punished.

If you have time to talk to the referee before he punishes the opponent, make sure you persuade him using intimidating gestures and waving an imaginary red card in his direction.

Hopefully, by performing the above options, you should not only have won a free-kick/penalty, but the opposing player may have received a yellow or red card.

Conclusion

After an insightful look into (the fictional) Luis Suarez’s mindset, it’s up to you as a footballer whether you want to follow his ways, or whether you’d prefer to stand on the side of integrity, sportsmanship, fairness, and respect for your opponent. Diving is a parasite which has spread into various cultures, yet thankfully it is still (generally) rejected by ours in England. The FA must clamp down hard on cheats, or what goes through Luis Suarez’s* mind every time he tries to win a foul, is what will be going through your childrens’ minds as they grow up playing.

Related Posts:

• The Misconception About Falling Over After Being Fouled
• Luis Suárez – The Modern Footballer
• Fouling at Corners, A Risk Worth Taking?
• Is Football Too Complex to Referee?